Introduction
In this modern world, few dispute the economic superiority of these great United States of America. However, all are not happy with this arrangement. There is a secret battle going on in eastern Asia. A few powers of the far east are discontent with playing eighth or ninth fiddle to more sophisticated economies. There are two countries involved in this sinister plot to break down our economic supremacy.
In the dawn of the 1980s, korea and Japan held a secret conference to decide which country would take over the top position of economic power. The plan was to hold a Survivor-style temporary alliance until the United States was infiltrated by Japanese and korean products. However, beginning about 1993, Japan began being a somewhat respectable manufacturing country. korea officials were not happy. The two Asian countries divided unto two paths:
The right-hand path was taken by Japan. Japan had built quite a name for itself, and decided that it could do without korea by building products that although not nearly American-quality, were passable. Japanese officials did not play the game as fair as they could have, however. For example, by placing emissions standards unreasonably high on automobiles, they were able to take advantage of the standard differential and sell many more autos in the United States than the U.S. did in Japan. This, although sneaky and suspicious, did not sin against Man or Nature.
korea, on the other hand, took the left-hand path. korean officials kidnapped certain German scientists and had them develop a retrovirus beyond all comprehension. This virus took over the body of it's victims, killing them after a short while, and then re-animating the victim's body to become a slave to the korean government. This virus is only prevented one way: methodical ingestion of slimy, pickled cabbage. This yielded nearly the entire population of korea invincible to it's ravages.
korea's only problem, however, was the extremely cost of the virus. The virus needs to be introduced to tens of thousands of people at once to be effective. korea, being an extremely poor country, had not the money to produce thousands of these ampoules, which cost about two thousand dollars each.
The solution? The Hyundai Excel. By selling these poorly built vehicles, korea could, and still is, earning enough money from the sales of Hyundai motorcars to unleash an army of undead the likes of which the world has never seen. Each year Hyundai sells more and more of these zombie-enabling vehicles. Don't contribute to the Rising of the Undead. Don't buy korean cars.
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copyright 2005 Christien M. Chandler